Occasional negative self-talk is normal. And, sometimes being skeptical or critical helps you thoroughly investigate an issue. It is when your internal negative self-talk is a constant habit that it can do harm to yourself and those with whom you live and work. A negative internal dialogue happens when: You constantly think or say what won’t work, rather than what will work. You mainly focus on your fears, rather than positive emotions. You are preoccupied with problems, rather than what is working in your life. You think or say things that diminish your unlimited potential. A critical inner dialogue sets you up to fail because it emphasizes what has gone wrong in the past, then uses that information to predict things going wrong in the future. Negative self-talk also keeps you stuck in the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT), recycling through the roles of Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer. Here are a few examples of how negative self-talk sounds: “I never know what do to.” “I’m not good at this.” “There’s never enough.” “I’ll never be able to make a difference.” “I know it won’t work.” “No one listens to me.” The more often these negative messages are repeated, the stronger they become wired in your brain. Because your brain is malleable and grows over 1,000 new neurons every day, it is essential that you pay careful attention to how you talk to yourself. The messages function like software that programs your new “baby neurons,” which are then stored and accepted as truth. In other words, your brain believes what you tell it. You were not born to think negatively. It is a learned habit. So, the good news is you can change what you say to yourself. When you’re in the presence of a new baby, you see and feel their unlimited possibility. But a world that is full of negative news, harmful childhood messages, pessimistic friends, or poor role models—all these can contribute to a negative self-talk habit. Shifting your negative self-talk takes awareness, time, and practice, just like replacing an old habit with new behavior. Once you choose the messages that are more positive and inspiring, based upon what you want for your life, you begin to align your mind and body for your highest desires. When you do this, your life begins to change for good. Here are two steps that can dramatically shift your internal dialogue toward a positive mindset, if you fully embrace and practice them each day: Notice the extent of your self-talk. Approximately 90% of what humans say to themselves is unconscious and automatic. Over the next few days really notice how you talk to yourself. For example, what do you say to yourself first thing in the morning when you get up? What do you say to yourself when brushing your teeth? What do you say when your boss calls or emails you? You can’t change what you don’t realize. Edit and Reframe. When you notice a negative comment, stop and restate it in positive language, giving yourself clear and positive directives. Here are two examples: “I don’t know how to tackle this project.” Reframe it with, “I can get started with one step and figure out what’s after that.” Or, “Why does everything always go wrong?” Reframe and replace it with, “I will continue, step by step, to do the best I know how and learn and grow each step of the way.” The key is to not replace the negative talk with pollyannish untruths. You are editing and reframing based upon how you choose to be and what you want to create. When you become more conscious of your negative self-talk, and you stop and “edit and reframe” it with what you most want for your life, you are nurturing your true essence as a Creator.

There’s an old story about a man searching for his car keys under a streetlight. A person who sees the man looking for his keys joins the hunt. After a few minutes the second man asks, “Are you sure you lost your keys here?” The first man says, “No. I lost them in the park.” The second man asks, “Why are you searching here?” He replies, “This is where the light is.” This story may amuse you, but it is also a profound lesson in how we long for light to help us see what we are doing. The larger question is, how and from where does essential light originate? Your light radiates from where you place your focus. Where you choose to direct your focus is like switching on a flashlight to brighten your path. The ray of light from your flashlight expands what you can see, giving you confidence and energy to help you along your way. Energy flows where your focus goes. When you understand this insight and apply the principle in your life, it is a game changer for good. It demands that you become highly selective about where you place your focus. The concern is that most people don’t realize that where they place their attention is a huge determining factor to what manifests in their life. There’s also science behind the principle that energy flows where your focus goes. Your brain is activated by your focus and new baby neurons grow and start communicating together. Neurons that fire together, wire together. Therefore, the more you focus your attention, the more your neurons literally light up, transmitting your thoughts faster and with more clarity. In other words, your focus and the energy that flows, creates your own streetlamp. A colleague shared a metaphor that helps remind him of this principle. He pictures getting on an elevator knowing he has a choice about whether he is going up, or down. He asks himself, “Am I focusing on who I am as a Creator?” If he affirms who he is, his positive energy arises, and he automatically pushes the up button, and his “inner” elevator goes up. If he places his focuses on problems and the troublesome emotions and energies that arise from focusing on what he doesn’t want, he metaphorically pushes the down button and sinks into the Dreaded Drama Triangle and the roles of Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer. With this image he knows he is always at choice. Whatever he gives his attention to, expands. The mechanics of how this works is both common sense and a deep truth about the power of your conscious awareness. When you know how your system of creating works—when you really know it—then you can allow it to work for you. You commit to practice the principles of creating that operate behind the scenes of the human phenomena. Over time, consciously focusing your attention becomes an automatic practice. You accept that where you place your focus, your energy will follow. In a fast paced and complex world, many people do not know what they are focusing on. They go through the day reacting to whatever comes “at them.” They may believe that happiness and peace of mind come from changes in the outer world. Once they understand that their energy flows where their focus goes, it reminds them that they have far more control over their inner world of thoughts and emotions, than the outer world. You have the power to create your own reality by choosing what you focus on. And yes, there are plenty of challenges at home, work, and the global society. And still, you have a choice about where you place your attention, and how your energy flows. To know more about 3VQ, DDT and TED* and how it can help organisations and individuals then please connect on 9881197012 Radiant Roopa

Human beings are wired to connect and have a natural desire to be in positive relationships with others. But relationships are not always goodness and light. Whether at home or work, even the most trusting relationships go through breakdowns and difficult stretches. I was recently speaking with someone whom I coached over few years ago. We have since become close friends. In the recent conversation, she told me a story about when I was coaching her years ago, I said something that had hurt her feelings. That obviously piqued my interest, so I asked her to share the story. She said she didn’t remember what I had said that evoked the hurt feelings. What she does remember is that after she sent an email to me about how she was feeling, I immediately called her. She said, “What I remember is that you picked up the phone and called me which was totally out of character since it wasn’t our appointed coaching time. I also don’t remember what you said or other details of our conversation. What I do remember is that you genuinely wanted to repair the hurt I was feeling.” She went on. “What I’ve never forgotten is how you picked up the phone and wanted to repair the misunderstanding. I let go of the hurt and it didn’t stay with me because the relationship was repaired. From that lesson, I frequently say the best way to build lasting and trusting relationships is to ‘repair, repair, repair.’” I also do not recall the details. However, I remember that I saw her as a Creator who mustered the courage to communicate her hurt feelings. With that, she became a Challenger to me, able to communicate that something I had said landed as a Persecutor. If an argument or misunderstanding has risen, a genuine desire to repair the relationship is essential. Moving past the blame and need to be right is vital, and even more important is taking responsibility for your individual contribution to the situation. Next time you are in a relationship breakdown, ask yourself these questions: What is my intention? Only you can decide if you are willing to rebuild the relationship. “Choose to repair” is a valuable motto to remember only if your intention is pure. Is your intent to repair genuine, or only in appearance to get what you want? This requires radical honesty on your part. If your motive for the repair is not based upon what is best for the relationship, then the attempt at repair will most likely be unsuccessful and can serve to perpetuate the drama and eventually cause distrust. What was my contribution to the breakdown? Take responsibility for your actions and your role in the disagreement. This gives space for the other to also step into their contribution to the breakdown. Is it time for forgiveness? Relationships go through the same cycle of change as all things do. Is it time for more forgive in the relationship? If so, the repair may be within yourself. It may mean you need to forgive yourself or forgive the other person for what has happened or didn’t happen. Relationship drama is a fact of life. Differences of opinion, disputes, anger, miscommunication, and more are part of relationships. The journey to reconciliation is smoother if the focus is less on who is right and instead, embrace the desire to repair, repair, repair. By repairing, you can choose to refocus on the relationship as Co-Creators. With this repair practice, relationship breakdowns are an opportunity to heal and sow the seeds for an even longer-lasting relationship. To know more about DDT and Power of TED* and how it can impact your personal and professional life than do connect with us on 9881197012 Radiant Roopa

We humans have thousands of tedious and ongoing thoughts happening all day. Psychologists have shown that the human mind has over 60,000 thoughts each day and often most of those thoughts are negative. Thank goodness you don’t have to believe all your thoughts! The Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT) roles of Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer help explain how we relate to other people and circumstance when we are in conflict. What is sometimes overlooked is the “Inner DDT” and the relationship we have within ourselves. We all have an inner Persecutor, sometimes referred to as the inner critic. By whatever name, it is that part of your mind which creates an idea of how it thinks the world should be. It’s never satisfied with situations as they are. Rarely are things good enough, so it regularly says nasty things about life and reserves its worst comments about how you are leading your own life. The inner Persecutor almost always means well. It’s trying to protect you from something or even someone. Its intention is to be helpful and guide you toward what is safe and secure. That’s its job, but how it talks to you is rarely helpful. If you give your inner Persecutor authority by believing what it has to say, you will create personal misery for yourself. The energy it takes to manage its imposing voice can be exhausting and will drain energy away from what you really care about. The key is to hear and acknowledge the voice, but not take it as truth. Observing your internal conversation is different than judging it. Judging is about determining what is right or wrong, positive or negative, and that debate will strengthen its resolve to be heard. Once you free yourself from judging what is right or wrong, your capacity to be with life, as it is, will expand. When you are not conscious of your thoughts that lurk underneath the surface of your awareness, you literally risk being at war with yourself and sabotaging what you want to create. Being unaware of your internal conversation helps explain why you may suddenly get triggered by something or someone. Being more self-aware in the moment can help you have your emotions, rather than your emotions having you. When your emotions have you, that’s the mechanism that can trigger you to “go reactive.” How do you redirect this negative self-chatter? Criticizing yourself doesn’t help. Self-criticism creates a negative loop and makes the persecuting thoughts even worse! One simple, but not always easy, practice is to lighten up and use humour. It might sound like this: “Hello inner Persecutor. I hear you loud and clear, but it is time for you to take a rest for a while. I have things to do and places to go. I will get back to you later.” It is your Creator essence, the foundational role in TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic)® that challenges the internal DDT voices to go silent for a while. By summoning your Creator voice to come forward, your innate goodness naturally emerges. This taps into the positive, true essence of who you really are. You don’t have to believe all your negative thoughts. You can learn to acknowledge and then set aside the drama voices. They will most likely return later but, for now, with a little humor and a light-hearted approach, you can go on creating your day. To know more about No-More Drama – DDT and Power of TED* do connect with us on 9881197012 – Radiant Roopa

You may have grown up in a family that did not practice gratitude. Even worse, you may have experienced criticism and blame toward yourself and others. Shifting your relationship with life from feeling like life happens “to me” (the Victim mentality) toward an abundant life full of wonder (a Creator orientation) may be a challenge for you. We’ve noticed there are 3 steps that cultivate an attitude of gratitude. Applying these 3 steps will help you experience the renewing power of gratitude. The first step is to “expect the good.” Here’s a story to illustrate: A small farming town was facing a terrible drought, and everyone knew what would happen to their community if the farmers lost their crops. Someone suggested holding a town hall prayer meeting. Every person showed up and squeezed into their small church to pray for rain. Only one little girl arrived with an umbrella. Lesson: What you expect is what you look for and allow yourself to receive. The second step is, “willing to receive.” On the surface allowing yourself to receive might seem selfish. You might think that if you receive the good, you will take from others. This is akin to Victim mentality again, and fosters “there is not enough” thinking. If you believe there is a limited supply of good in the world, you will become stingy and shut down your willingness to receive. If you receive less, you are less willing to be grateful for what you have. “I better hoard what I have because there won’t be more,” is a typical voice of Victim thinking. Learning to receive with appreciation and gratitude helps thaw your limiting beliefs of not enough. Let’s review: Gratitude starts with expecting good which sparks your willingness to receive your good. Now you are ready to give thanks—to be grateful. If you cultivate an attitude of gratitude no matter what your circumstances, you are less likely to experience the feelings of victimhood. You will be able to see a gift or lesson to be learned no matter the situation or relationship. The daily practice of gratitude keeps the heart open to learning even when life is difficult. No situation or event is too small to keep the gratitude energy flowing. “I remembered that many suffer from heart disease, including my close friend. Being grateful for my healthy heart helped me to appreciate everyday moments that I often took for granted. As I appreciated my heart,I began to see an unlimited number of things I was grateful for and noticed, almost immediately, my mood shifted to a more open and positive state.” When we are in an open and positive state, we are more likely to recognize goodness in ourselves and others—seeing each person as a Co-Creator. We encourage you to practice these 3 steps to cultivate an attitude of gratitude. Expect the good, Allow yourself to receive, and, No matter how small the situation or event, embrace gratitude as a choice. You will be a lot happier and those living with you will be too!

Once upon a time there was a painter who had just completed his course. He took 3 days and painted beautiful scenery. He wanted people’s opinion about his calibre and painting skills. He put his creation at a busy street-crossing. And just down below a board which read -“I have painted this piece. Since I’m new to this profession I might have committed some mistakes in my strokes etc. Please put a cross wherever you see a mistake.” While he came back in the evening to collect his painting he was completely shattered to see that whole canvass was filled with Xs (crosses) and some people had even written their comments on the painting. Disheartened and broken completely he ran to his master’s place and burst into tears. This young artist was breathing heavily and master heard him saying, “I’m useless and if this is what I have learnt to paint I’m not worth becoming a painter. People have rejected me completely. I feel like dying” Master smiled and suggested “My Son, I will prove that you are a great artist and have learnt flawless painting. Do as I say without questioning it. It WILL work.” Young artist reluctantly agreed and two days later early morning he presented a replica of his earlier painting to his master. Master took that gracefully and smiled. “Come with me. ” master said. They reached the same street-square early morning and displayed the same painting exactly at the same place. Now master took out another board which read -“Gentlemen, I have painted this piece. Since I’m new to this profession I might have committed some mistakes in my strokes etc. I have put a box with colors and brushes just below. Please do a favor. If you see a mistake, kindly pick up the brush and correct it.” Master and disciple walked back home. They both visited the place same evening. Young painter was surprised to see that actually there was not a single correction done so far. Next day again they visited and found painting remained untouched. They say the painting was kept there for a month for no correction came in! Moral of the story: It is easier to criticize, but DIFFICULT TO IMPROVE! So don’t get carried away or judge yourself by someone else’s criticism and feel depressed… JUDGE YOURSELF! YOU ARE YOUR BEST JUDGE!! YOU WILL BE TRULY HAPPY!!!

I sat with my anger. I held its hand and thanked it. I breathed deeply. Looked at it. Acknowledged it and then asked, “Why are you here?” “I am here”, anger replied, “because you let everyone violate you and take you for granted. You donot draw your boundaries.” I sat there, frozen, in silence, absorbing this. Anger, which I thought was bad, which I was taught is the root cause of every evil, which I was conditioned to believe it has to be controlled, was actually playing a beautiful role in my life. It was a gift. That made me think, “If I embraced this gift, the gift of drawing boundaries, what would happen?” “Will anger go away”?, I thought to myself. I went on an inner pilgrimage. I went back in time and observed all incidents that had made me angry. The underlying aspect in all those situations was that I felt violated in some way. Not respected, not honored in some way. I allowed people to take away my power, I felt helpless. And there came anger to protect me. Because I could not protect or honor myself. Anger was playing a wonderful role. So, there I was sitting with “anger” again. “Tell me anger”, what should I do?” Anger replied, “Draw boundaries, Re-claim your power and I WILL BE GONE”. You may ask, “What happened next”? “Did you apply boundaries? Did anger go away?” “No, Not Really”, I say. It is a PART of me. How can a part of ME go away? You see, every emotion is a part of us. We are, as Carl Jung, says, a 360 degree with various personality parts. “Then what’s the point?”, you may ask. “Well, Anger, right now stands away – may be as a gatekeeper, guarding, not controlling – just watching whether I let any unwelcome guests inside. As long as I don’t, it keeps quiet. The moment I “Allow” someone to take my power away, whenever I am helpless or let anyone violate or manipluate me, whenever I ‘allow’ this, the Gatekeeper comes ALIVE. Anger is a guardian. It’s an ally. I understand it’s gift. The more I apply and use this gift, the more it just stands at the threshold, ‘watching’. The moment I don’t apply the gifts, it walks right back in. Every emotion is a gift. You just have to sit with it and ask, “Why are you here? What role are you playing?” Can you do that with your anger? With your fear, insecurity, jealousy, resistance?